How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
