dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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