He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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