Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You were trust falling into bushes
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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