Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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