We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
