No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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