You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
