please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
