Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I FOUND THE LEGS
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
