she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
