is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Can't talk, ducks in the car
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
