Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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