so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
