We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
