yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
