i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
