Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
