tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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