You made me cry and you don't even care
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
