i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
