Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
