And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
