Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
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