Quick, to the slutcave!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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