His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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