those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
