Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
