sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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