I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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