In America we eat man semen.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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