I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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