I will die if light touches me.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
