We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
