Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
