Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
