yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
