I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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