Plan B is the new Plan A
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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