Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
