I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
