Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
