OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just googled if crying burns calories
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
