And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just tell him i said nine months
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
