i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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