Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
