Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
