Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
