I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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