I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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