Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
