Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
