guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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